The BlazBlue Humor Cauldron
by Afro Logic
Summary: This is an idea cooked up by me and some friends when playing BlazBlue at 2-3am a lot of nights. Join in on the shenanigans that will happen inside our little cauldron. We follow around characters on their days of life throughout, both the things you don't hear about and others that are just plain crazy. Set sail for fun and dive on into the cauldron, I'm sure you'll have a laugh.


The BlazBlue Humor Cauldron

A BlazBlue Fan Fiction

Disclaimer: I have no affiliation with Arc System Works or the BlazBlue game series.

Rebel 1: Employee Appreciation Day Part 1

"Here at the NOL we like to make sure our highly competent staff knows that we appreciate all the strenous work that they do so diligently for us to make sure the world is a better place! Hazama yawned, stretching out his limbs for what is to come.

"So in honor of that, starting April 1st (my favorite day of the year I might add) we take a day to give our employees little token of our appreciation! Got it?" Hazama said the you, yes readers, Hazama is talking to you.

"Hey narrator, shut up and let me do my job, GOT IT?!" Hazama scowled at…

"I said stop it!"

"FINE! I'll just shrug this off and let you get back to your plan,"

"Yeah that's right, sit down and shut up narrator!"

"EH HEM. Let's see where was I…OH YES! Here, let me show you exactly how we treat our employees for their hard work!" Hazama smirked, straightening his tie. He slowly made his way into Noel Vermillion's office cubicle where one disgruntled Lieutenant was whining at her work.

She could be found sighing behind large stacks of paperwork that nearly covered her whole desk. Hazama tip toed in quietly so she didn't even notice him while working. Noel let out a hefty sigh as her eyes began to grow heavy from stress.

"I suppose I could just rest my eyes a minute, I'm sure no one will notice and this is just so much work…" Noel yawned, slowly placing her head on her desk. Hazama snickered as he stood idle for a few minutes, then slowly he crept up behind the chair.

"Now here where the fun starts. Sit back an enjoy,"

He slowly slid a present next to her slumbering headr; it was clear that it was crudely wrapped, incredibly tacky wrapping paper that'd make anyone's eyes hurt plastered around it. Then slowly, Hazama tip toe'd to the front of her desk with a huge smile plastered on his face.

"Pay close attention to details hehe"

"Lieutenant Noel Vermillion!" He shouted in a mock authoritative voice. Noel instantly shot up out of her seat; Here eyes fumbled open as if she were staring at an oncoming train; Her face grew flushed in fear of the voice of her superior; At the corner of her mouth was a small sliver of drool that had escaped while she was resting.

"C-Captain Hazama! Sir!" Noel stumbled to her feet to attempt a respective salute. Hazama nearly let out a friendly chuckle and waved his hand side to side.

"At ease Lieutenant, no need for formalities. I'm not sure if you're aware, but today is Employee Appreciate Day! Here at the NOL, the hire ups such as myself have been gathering tokens of our appreciate to give out to all of our HARD WORKERS. I'm not sure if you noticed, but check your desk," Hazama teased pointing at the desk next to where her head was. Her fluttering, nervous face slowly turned to one of embarrassment.

"This is…for me?" Noel puzzled as she looked at her superior.

"Yes it is. Just for you, I picked it out personally just for you. You can open it now if you please," Hazama smiled, gazing at the package in anticipation. Hazama's grin grew from ear to ear as Noel slowly tore the paper from the object inside. In a awkward look, she noticed that was a small cutting board with a cute picture of a panda on it. She found herself puzzled by the gift but regardless of that fact, she smiled kindly.

"Oh, thank you Captain! It's so cute, I love it!" Noel said with joy, after all, it had a panda on it. With that Hazama gave a slow wave as he turned to leave her cubicle. Half way to the door, he stopped and turned around, still smirking with evil intent.

"Enjoy it Noel. I got it for you because when I saw it, it greatly reminded me of you. Take care," Hazama began to wa…

"OK narrator, my turn to talk so you can shut up now,"

"Jeeze fine, you don't have to be a dick about it…"

"YES I DO! I'm in character you dumbass, you wrote me this way!"

"Ugh…whatever,"

"Now, let's have a countdown as I peak back inside her doorway. Count with me now; 3…2…..1…..annnnnnnnd,"

A soft sobbing noise crept through the crack of Noel's door; her words were muffled by her self-disappointment.

"Its because…I'm flat…it reminds him of me because I'm flat!" she sobbed slowly moving from her desk to the break room in the back.

"YYYYEEEESSSSSS! BOOM! That's one in the bank! Hah, come on, like you didn't see that coming kekeke.

"Let's see…ah! Tsubaki Yayoi, here I come!"

Biding his time, Hazama made his round to all of the other miscellaneous employees first, having a little joy at their small joys that turn to humiliations. Hazama smirked, thinking how being the boss has its perks.

"Alright, alright enough of that. Here we go!"

Hazama slowly eased up to Lieutenant Tsubaki Yayoi's office door, which was much nicer than Noel's by far. He peeked his head in through the opening of her doors. With a gentle knock on the door, it immediately caught Tsubaki's attention. Immediately, Tsubaki rose to her feet giving a stalwart salute in his direction, just like the perfect soldier she is.

"Ok, ok, this one may seem a bit over the top…but I believe its still in good taste. Ready to observe? Let's go,"

"Um…beg my pardon Captain, but did I hear you say something?" Tsubaki asked in perfect form. Hazama nearly smiled and shook his head.

"Nothing at all, and please, you can address me as just Hazama. Any who, I see that you are busy so I'll make this as short and sweet as I can. As you may or may not know, the NOL has issued a holiday for the employees that keep the world so safe. So today is Employee Appreciation Day! And I have a few special packages for you," Hazama spouted off enthusiastically. Suddenly, Tsubaki noticed that Hazama was now carrying what appeared to be 2 gifts. He slowly eased them both onto her absolutely perfect, organized desk.

"The NOL relies on everyone here to keep the world safe, especially you Tsubaki. Without you several of our divisions would crumble to the ground," Hazama hammed up his words while keeping it in a somewhat professional tone. Tsubaki looked at her Captain in astonishment, never before had she ever heard such praise for her work.

"Sir, I do the best I can to enforce he justice that this world needs, I don't think I'm deserving of this praise," Tsubaki responded modestly. Hazama shook his head and slowly handed her the smaller package.

"You deserve it, so quite disagreeing with your superior and open that present. That one is personally from me. Please, go ahead and open it, that's an order Lieutenant," Hazama proclaimed, trying not to laugh hysterically from having to give scout an order to enjoy something. Regardless of the tacky, poor taste of wrapping paper that burned his eyes, Tsubaki sat back down and pulled it close to her. Slowly, she began to dissect it, small piece by piece, unwrapping it just as it was wrapped.

Deep down Hazama was angrily kicking down every piece of furniture in her office until finally she finished unwrapping it. It revealed a nice, snazzy looking yellow box. She opened up the side of it and a pair of what appeared to be brand name sunglasses slid into her hand. The lenses were a stunning black onyx while the frames were just as red as her hair. She smiled and looked in amazement.

"These are for those days when the world is just too bright, I have a pair of these myself so I can assure you they are professional grade," Hazama smirked. Tsubaki's gaze slow shifted to the long gift. It was wrapped in a very regal, violet paper that had golden trim along the edges. There was a very nice stationary envelope that shared her name on it in a very nice calligraphic font.

"This one is from Major Jin Kisaragi, you must really be special. Judging by the way this gift is presented, I feel I should leave you to open this gift in private. So I'll take my leave, again, good work Tsubaki, keep up the good work," Hazama said sincerely as he took his leave from the room. Tsubaki blushed lightly as she removed the letter. She looked side to side cautiously then softly sniffed the stationary, leaving her with a soft tingle. She then opened it and slowly slide the note out. It was a piece of nice, fresh parchment; Tsubaki continued to blush as she moved the letter a closer to her face so she could read it very carefully.

"Tsubaki, I wanted you to know that I appreciate all of your work and your attention to details. I plan to take leave from the NOL soon on assignment. This present is a token of my appreciation. It will help you find your way even in the darkest of times. -Sincerely, Jin Kisaragi" Tsubaki read with joy. She did the best she could to keep her composure since she was in the work place. She set the note aside and took a deep breath.

"Oh Jin…you do care…" Tsubaki said softly before turning her gaze to the box. She then slowly proceeded to dismantle the gift wrap just like before. When she removed the paper to find a nicely made, velvet box. She felt her hand tingle as she ran her fingers over the top of it, smiling softly. She then placed her hands on the latches and opened it. Her anxious, smiling face quickly froze like ice. As she ran her fingers over it and looked closely, it was a very well made straight can; It matched the blue that frequented itself with the NOL with the white of it blinding her with the light from her ceiling light. A few tears began to well up in her eyes.

"A…A blind person's cane…? A…Jin…how could you…" Tsubaki sobbed as tears start cascading down her face; she was devastated by her true love, Jin Kisaragi.

"NOW, this is the part I've been waiting for hahaha,"

Tsubaki's eyes turned from utter sadness, to that of despair and anger. Normally Tsubaki would know how to deal with something like this, however, this time she wasn't about to follow protocol, after all, it was her true love that just insulted her to her face. She slammed her hands on on her desks, causing her whole organize set-up to jump and tumble all across it. She removed the cane from the box and held it close to her side; all that was on her mind was delivering her definition of justice to her superiors face. She opened up her doors and began to vigorously stomp down the hall.

Noel sighed as she got over the cutting board ordeal, now walking down the hall to deliver a few envelopes and folders of paperwork. Noel smiled and waved as she saw Tsubaki at a distance, but then noticed that something was off. Tsubaki kept moving, as if she hadn't even seen Noel. Noel gasped when she saw Tsubaki's eyes. She had never seen them so fierce before, and it scared her. Noel wanted to say something, but in truth, was too scared to approach her. Noel quickly scuttled by her to continue her duty. When Tsubaki found herself at Major Jin Kisaragi's door, she knocked firmly on it doing her best to sternly get his attention. Foot steps could be heard from behind the doors, rapidly approaching the door. Tsubaki firmly stood in her place as Jin emerged from the doors. Jin looked hard at Tsubaki in a confused expression.

"What is it Tsubaki, I'm very busy right now," Jin said sternly. He had a puzzled expression on his face as he looked at Tsubaki, who looked like she was ready to explode at any second. Tsubaki then gazed into Jin's eyes with a red hot fire behind them, it was time to deliver some justice.

"I can't believe it…you of all people…Jin…YOU'RE SUCH A JERK!" Tsubaki scream at Jin. Before Jin had a moment to ask what was going on, Tsubaki open hand smashed into Jin's face like a truck, slapping him harshly to the ground. The loud, cracking noise of death echoed hard down the hallways; everyone who heard stopped in their tracks to take a moment to listen. Tsubaki clenched her teeth tight to keep from crying as she raised the luxurious cane above her head, ready to strike. Loud footsteps could be heard zooming down the hall like a jet in the sky. Makoto Nanaya whizzed around the corner as fast as she could, only to find Tsubaki at the height of her rage. Tsubaki gripped the cane with both hands and brought the cane down right on Jin's frazzled head, snapping the cane in half. Makoto covered her mouth in disbelief then rushed over, the only thought she had was to break up this catastrophe.

"TSUBAKI! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN' TO THE MAJOR?!" Makoto cried out in vane; Her words fell on deaf ears as Tsubaki reared her leg back and kicked him in the gut.

"I don't care if you're my superior Jin, but that's no excuse to humiliate me! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?!" Tsubaki cried with tears in her eyes, Before she could make another move however, she found herself being restrained hard by Makoto, who held her back with all her strength. Tsubaki struggled with all her strength, crying.

"Tsubaki, what has gotten into you?! I've NEVER seen you act like this!" Makoto tried to console, but Tsubaki wouldn't have it as she continued to struggle.

"Let me go Makoto! He's getting everything he deserves!" Tsubaki shrieked as she reached her peak of rage. The tighter Makoto restrained her, the more she began to cry. Makoto finally released her from her hold, only find Tsubaki turning around and holding onto Makoto, bawling her eyes out into her chest. Makoto, still completely confused, began softly stroking her hair trying to calm her down.

"I…I never thought I'd ever see this kind of behavior from him. Everyone else teases me yes, but not like this…I know that Izayoi is making me blind, he didn't have to rub it in my face!" Tsubaki cried out. Makoto glared down at Jin, who was coughing profusely as he slowly rose to her feet, blood trickling down off of his head onto his forehead. Makoto didn't get it, until she looked at what she cracked over Jin's head; It was a cane that a blind person would use to get around. Makoto looked shocked then shook her head. She released Tsubaki and slowly made her way over to Jin, who was at a kneeling position.

"WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?!" Jin spat, still coughing loudly. Makoto reached down and rose the Major up to his feet by the front of his uniform. She then pinned up to the wall beside his doors and glared up at him.

"Not funny Major. Even if it was a joke, I'd never expect you of all people to stoop this low. It's not only unprofessional, its in terrible taste!" Makoto growled then planted a jab into his stomach, which crumpled him to the floor as Makoto grabbed Tsubaki's arm and walked off. Once they were out of sight, a small, manic laugh could be hear growing.

"DID YOU SEE THAT!? DID YOU SEE!? HE GOT KNOCKED THE HELL OUT! HAHAHA! It was TOTALLY worth the long build up,"

Hazama peared down at Jin then slowly slid a pair of sunglasses, similar to the ones he gave Tsubaki except with a green frame instead. He stooped down and slowly folded out the sunglasses.

"I guess this time…YOU didn't see that coming!" Hazama said with a half sadistic smile. On the last word he slid on his sunglasses. Hazama began to laugh to himself to tears, leaving poor Jin crippled on the floor.

"What the f #$ just happened?!" Jin coughed, struggling to stand up on his feet.

"OH MY GOD, THAT WAS SOOOOO PRICELESS! HAHAHAHAH! -cough- I guess I'll leave it here for now, after all, we wouldn't want to overdo EVERYTHING in one go y'know? So til next time, I'm out!"

To Be Continued...


End file.
